


Those Left Behind

by SelenaTerna



Series: Missing Scenes [2]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Episode: s02e03 School Reunion, F/M, Missing Scene, Post-Episode: s02e03 School Reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 03:46:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9105322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SelenaTerna/pseuds/SelenaTerna
Summary: Rose confronts the Doctor after defeating the Krillitane and gets a few things off her chest.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've read some amazing missing scenes and fixits for this episode and they inspired me. I wanted to take this missing scene in a different direction, in that there is no real resolution here- this is just a missing scene from canon which segues into GITF. It was mainly a chance for Rose to explain why she's so angry- I've noticed that often she cops the blame for being selfish or possessive in this episode, when really, thinking about it, her reaction is quite understandable. Who wants to find out that they're one of many, and that the ones who went before were left by the wayside without a word?
> 
> Obviously I've taken a bit of creative licence with the time between adventures and so on in order to address the obvious distance between the Doctor and Rose for the first half of series two. I've included the bit about wiping memory from some comments that were made by Moffat about Twelve.
> 
> This is my first School Reunion fic so I'm more than a little nervous about it. Hope you enjoy. Feedback and comments are always welcome and very much appreciated.

“D’you really think I’m that selfish?”

The Doctor looked up from the console where he’d been navigating them into the Vortex while Rose had shown Mickey to his room. The Doctor knew she was angry with him, knew she hadn’t wanted Mickey on board and that she was upset about the whole Sarah-Jane mess. He knew that she hadn’t been mollified by his outburst in front of the chippy. Frankly, even _he’d_ thought it was a weak answer to her concerns. So, really, he wasn’t surprised that she was still angry. But he _was_ surprised that she was confronting him about it. She’d been hesitant to challenge him on anything since his regeneration. It was a measure of how angry she was that she was confronting him about _this_ for the second time.

He grimaced. T _his_ was very dangerous territory. Rose Tyler had gotten far too close to him as it was, he cared about her entirely too much and he’d been doing damage control for the past two months, ever since their adventure on New Earth. He’d been ever so carefully backing away, putting space between them, so much so that he’d actually failed _twice_ to notice when she was missing and in danger. He had brought Mickey the Idiot on board as a further buffer, in spite of Rose’s silent protest. Now she wanted to resume the conversation they’d started outside of the chippy, where he’d almost blurted out how he felt about her- and he was terrified.

Rose Tyler was human- wonderfully, brilliantly _human_ , with the limited life span that entailed. He couldn’t let himself get any more attached to her than he already was, because one day, Time would take her from him- inevitably, inexorably it would take her, and then where would he be? No, it was far better to keep her at arm’s length and preserve his own hearts and sanity. 

He didn’t want to have this conversation, _couldn’t_ have this conversation without wanting to blurt out that he was sorry, that he cared for her….that he _loved_ her, more than he should love any human. He didn’t want to have this conversation because he couldn’t bear to face her hurt again. A hurt he knew he’d caused.

So, despite how useless he knew it would be, he tried to deflect her and put off the conversation he didn’t want to have.

“What are you talking about?”

Her look told him he hadn’t fooled her in slightest. “You know _exactly_ what I’m talking about, Doctor. Outside the chippy, last night- you acted as if I was just angry because you’ve had other companions. Like I was just some jealous little girl.”

He shrugged, heart pounding as he tried to keep his cool. “You seemed pretty upset to find out that you weren’t the only one who’d travelled with me. Jealousy’s a typical human reaction, wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Oh no you don’t,” she growled. “Don’t you dare try and give me that ‘typical human’ rubbish. ’S more than that and you know it, Doctor. You know damn well this isn’t about you having travelled with other people.”

“Then what’s it about, if not jealousy at finding out you’re not the only one?” he parried, trying to keep his emotions off his face. “What else could it be about?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You really think I’m that selfish, Doctor? You think I’m so petty that I’d wish you’d spent 900 years alone rather than travel with someone else?”

He swallowed. He knew she wasn’t, knew she cared about him. But he couldn’t say that, couldn’t tell her that he knew why she was angry. So he said nothing.

She shook her head. “I dunno, maybe you do. After all, this you doesn’t seem to think too much of me anyway, right?”

“What? Why would you say that?” he exclaimed, unable to help himself.

She lifted an eyebrow. “Lunch lady? Ring any bells?” She huffed. “Wild child bought for sixpence and now a lunch lady. Putting Rose Tyler back where she belongs, hey Doctor?”

“No! Of course not.”

“Then why’d you stick me in the cafeteria?” she demanded. “You had the psychic paper- you could’ve got me a job as a secretary or somethin’, but you didn’t. You just put me in the first place you could think of, where you thought I belonged. Somewhere far away from you.”

“It wound up being pretty helpful in the end!” he pointed out. “You found out how they were putting the oil on the chips.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t know that at the time, did you?” She huffed. “You just wanted me somewhere out of the way and that was the first place you thought of. The first place you’d put a stupid chav like me.”

“No! Rose, where is this coming from?”

She fixed him with a look before waving her hand in dismissal. “But that’s not the point, Doctor- that’s not what this is about. This is about how you treat your companions when you’re done with them. You never once told me you’d had other companions. Never mentioned them, an’ there’s no trace of them on the TARDIS. It’s as if they never existed.” Exhaling, she shook her head. “Like I said, I thought we were special. But Sarah Jane was special to you once, and you just dumped her in Scotland and never looked back. You never even told her you weren’t coming back! You just left her and took off. You never talk about her. It’s as if she never existed, never touched your life. I wonder how many other companions you’ve done that to.” She gave him a bitter look. “Can you blame me for wondering when my turn is coming, Doctor? One day soon I’ll be pushed off like so much rubbish and you’ll pretend I never existed. Can you honestly blame me for bein’ angry at finding out what my future looks like?”

“I-I told you!” he croaked. “I told you could stay with me for the rest of your life. I told you I wouldn’t leave you.”

She snorted. “Yeah. But you wouldn’t be the first bloke who told me what I wanted to hear and then skipped out when it came to it. Actions speak louder than words Doctor.”

He stared at her, all attempts to keep an emotionless façade long forgotten. “And you think my actions tell you I’d just leave you behind without explanation?”

She stared right back. “You left me behind on New Earth and Cassandra possessed me. And you didn’t even notice until ages later. You didn’t even notice I was missing in Scotland ‘til the butler went mental hours later, and the whole time I was locked up with a werewolf.”

He flushed, knowing she was right. “Those were…those were very specific, isolated incidents.”

“They were the only two adventures we’ve had since you’ve regenerated- until this one.”

“I’ve taken you to other planets over the last two months!” he protested.

“Oh, you mean the two shopping planets where you vanished as soon as we got there and only showed up seven or eight hours later? The beach planet where you disappeared for half a day? The museum planet where you handed me over to a tour guide and took off for five hours? Those trips?” she asked pointedly. “I didn’t think I could count them as adventures, let alone adventures _together_.”

He had the good grace to blush. “We’ve…we’ve had other adventures, Rose! You know we have. The Slitheen, Utah, Christmas 1869…I’ve always looked out for you. We’ve always looked out for one another.”

“We _did_ ,” she emphasized. “Only, that was before you changed, wasn’t it? Ever since you regenerated you’ve been pulling back. You don’t come to the library anymore, you don’t give me astronomy or history lessons. I barely even see you on the TARDIS-most of the time you just disappear until we land somewhere. The two adventures we _did_ have, you just left me behind and I got possessed by a lunatic skin flap and almost eaten by a werewolf- _and you didn’t even notice_. And now I find out that you’ve had other people with you before, people you never mention. People you left behind without a word. You can’t seriously be surprised that I expect you to just drop me somewhere and forget about me.”

“I-no, it’s not like that, Rose, you know it isn’t.”

“But _why_ , Doctor? That’s exactly what you did to them. Why would I be any different?”

“I- I’d _never_ leave you behind, Rose. Not you. Why would I want to leave you?”

She glared at him. “Oh, so you didn’t leave me behind on New Earth? You didn’t miss the fact that I was missing for hours in Scotland? You didn’t wonder round with a possessed me in New Earth for ages before you even _noticed_ something was wrong?” 

“I- well, yes, but-“

“And,” she spoke over him, “You didn’t bring Mickey on board to put some distance between us?”

He gulped. Had he been that transparent? “Why…why would you say that, Rose?”

“’M not actually stupid, Doctor,” she growled. “If you wanted a buffer between us, you should have been honest about it, at least. You know I didn’t want Mickey here and you brought him anyway. You know exactly why you did it and so do I.” She shook her head. “After…after the Sycorax and…and everything-“ and here he knew she meant his regeneration- “-you promised you’d be honest with me about the important things. And I believed you, even after you’d kept regeneration from me.” 

The Doctor swallowed and said nothing. What could he say?

“Nothing to say?” She cocked her head. “Well that’s OK. This new you talks all the time but you never _say_ anything. Why change now? But hey, I’m just a stupid chav from the Estate, too stupid to notice, right?” Her voice wobbled for the first time and her eyes filled with tears. “You thought I was too _stupid_ to see what you were doin’, that you were pushing me away. Otherwise you’d have stopped denyin’ that something was wrong every time I asked. You’d have been honest.”

“No! Rose why would you say that?” His heart was pounding now.

“Why would you push me away and try to pretend it was all just in my head?” she fired back. “Why would you promise to be honest with me and then avoid me so much it almost got me killed, twice?” She exhaled, lifting a trembling hand to push back her hair. “You never even had the _guts_ to tell me you wanted some space. At least the first you talked to me, told me things. Know the funny thing? He was the one fresh from the war and he told me more about your planet than you ever did!” 

The Doctor couldn’t refute the very true accusations she was flinging at him and latched onto the one thing he could answer. “We’re the same man, Rose!” he croaked. “I’m still him.” 

Rose watched him for a moment, her brown eyes fixed on him. “You are and you aren’t. Your actions are very different to his. He kept the same secrets you did. But, on the other hand, he called me his plus one,” she said quietly. “He refused to go into a top secret briefing in Downing Street without me, told them he didn’t go anywhere without me. I had to _make_ him go. When I was taken, anywhere, he always knew and came for me. He always noticed when I was missing.” She fixed her wounded eyes on him and in that moment, the Doctor hated himself. “You acted like I was some nothing you’d bought for sixpence in front of Queen Victoria and her soldiers. You stuck me in the lunchroom, serving chips. You didn’t even notice when I was gone. There’s a pretty big difference, Doctor, even if the first you did keep secrets.”

He was panting now, panic filling his throat. Was that what she was saying? What was she getting at?

“What…” he cleared his throat and tried again. “What are you saying, Rose?”

She shrugged. “’M sayin I get it now. Least now I know where I stand. Just one in a long line, and forgotten as soon as I’m gone. But I’ll tell you what, Doctor.” And here she glared. “You _don’t_ get to say I’m being petty. You don’t get to say I’m just being selfish for being angry. Because you know what? I have every right to be angry when you’ve been pushing me away and suddenly treating me like I’m…less. I have every right to be angry after findin’ out that one day I’m gonna be dumped like so much junk. The people you were close to? You’ve left them behind. Hell, for all I know, you were closer to Sarah-Jane than you ever were to me. At least she knew the name of your _planet_ , Doctor. I still don’t even know that!” Rose sniffled and wiped angrily at her eyes. “And you just dumped her like she was nothing. You pick us up and put us down when you’ve had enough. You pretend we never existed, and justify it with some rubbish about humans withering and dying.” 

Gulping a deep breath, Rose Tyler turned to him with the most furious look he’d ever seen from her. He actually winced and stepped back at the anger in her expression.

“But you know what Doctor? Maybe humans die. Maybe we don’t live long, compared to you. But we _remember_. And we _live_.”

The Doctor stared at her, his guilt making him lash out. “Easy for you to say when you don’t have to watch everyone die and you just live on. What do you know about loss?” Too late, he remembered her father and kicked himself.

 Rose flinched at his barb but said nothing about it. “‘S like the first you said to me once- all that counts is here and now. ‘cept sometimes I think you forget, Doctor- what went before forms what we are now. I think _he_ saw that, and he started to open up a little. But you? You’ve gone the complete opposite direction. Those people, those companions you had- maybe they’re not here now, but they were important to you once, they were part of your life. And they deserve better than to be forgotten. And Sarah Jane deserved better than bein’ dumped on some Scottish moor not knowin you weren’t comin back. And-“ she took a deep breath- “So do I.” 

The Doctor inhaled sharply and said nothing.

Rose shook her head and turned to leave the console room, only his croaked “Rose!” stopping her in her tracks. She stopped but kept her back to him, refusing to look at him.

“I don’t…I don’t forget them,” he managed to get out, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “I haven’t. I just don’t… think about them because it hurts to be the only one left. To go on when they’ve all left. I know you don’t want to hear it but humans wither and die! You do! Your entire lifespan is the blink of an eye for me.”

Her shoulders tensed, then and she slowly turned to look at him. “I’ve watched you die, Doctor, not even knowing that you’d regenerate. I watched you _burn_. I came back to die _with_ you and I’d do it again. Because to me, it was worth the time I had with you. Because _you_ were worth it.”

The Doctor felt as though he’d been punched in the gut. _Oh, Rose._

“And after you regenerated, I didn’t even know if you’d want me, or even remember me. I thought you might just forget all about me, that you might be different. For all I know, you can wipe things from your memory when you regenerate. Can you?” She demanded suddenly. “Can you do that?”

“Can I…what?” he rasped, trying with all his will to contain his emotions, not to run to her and beg forgiveness. This was necessary, he told himself. It was necessary.

“Can you forget…things? People? When you regenerate, can you _choose_ to forget?”

He swallowed, wanting to lie. To tell her that he couldn’t, that he _could_ never forget her.

But he couldn’t. 

“Well Doctor? Can you?”

“Yes,” he said quietly. “I…I can. If I choose to….it’s as if the memories are pushed to the back of my mind, sealed away. I could look right at someone I knew and not really remember how I know them.”

She nodded stiffly, as if she’d been expecting it. “Right. So tell me again how hard it is for you watching us wither and die, when you can choose to forget we ever existed. When you can choose to leave us behind and we have to go on, go back to a normal life as if we’d never had _this,_ and you can just pick up someone new. _”_ She said shakily. “An’ we can spend the rest of our lives missin’ you and waitin’ for you to come back. But you don’t go back, Doctor, do you? You just run. No explanation, no apology. When it gets tough, you _run_.”

Shooting him a look filled with disgust, she turned and stormed out of the console room. It took all of his self-control not to chase her and apologise, to hold her as he used to do and beg for forgiveness.

 _This is the right thing to do,_ he told himself, panting with fear and grief. _It is._ He deliberately ignored the screaming voice in the back of his head telling him that he was a fool.

Distantly, he felt a dozen possible Timelines disappear and he shuddered. What had his actions caused? He couldn’t bear to look but the sinking feeling in his gut told him it wasn’t a change for the better.

He wasn’t wrong. The next day, they landed on a fifty-first century space station with windows into pre-revolutionary France.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me on Tumblr. I'm countessselena :)


End file.
